「 dancing away 8:21 AM 」

I just realized that maybe love doesn't have a place for me in the world.

Why wait for someone when she doesn't even like you? It's a matter of time the truth will be revealed. I really don't understand. Call me young, call me immature, but I can just tell you that "Love" is just a word, a piece of shit.

I want "love" badly. Why? I want to be loved, cared by a person. Call me naive, but it's true. Maybe my meaning is wrong, a girlfriend is for you to snog instead of being someone you can relate to.

And I just realized that MOST of the girls in NUSHS are too conservative. It's hard to get fresh with them. *Says it cautiously... >.< Maybe I should give them and myself a second chance, who knows, I might really find one.

Or maybe I should just get someone out of this world. Someone not in this bloody school. How does love even start? I'm so puzzled... Does love always work out in the end? It's just a past-time for some people!

I don't feel loved, AT ALL. Not even by a single soul in this bloody damn world. No one has cared for me, consoled me and even show a single concern for me. I THANK YOU, you guys out there. You made me realized how pointless is in everything that I do.

I'm still misled by the darkness, waiting for someone to be the light and free me from the loneliness -- the one thing that is undefeatable. Gaara is so lucky, I'm not. I only share 1 thing in common with Naruto and Gaara, go figure.

Just stop wasting my time, stop shedding crocodile tears, isn't there a single true being out there?

I just realized that maybe love doesn't have a place for me in the world.

Why wait for someone when she doesn't even like you? It's a matter of time the truth will be revealed. I really don't understand. Call me young, call me immature, but I can just tell you that "Love" is just a word, a piece of shit.

I want "love" badly. Why? I want to be loved, cared by a person. Call me naive, but it's true. Maybe my meaning is wrong, a girlfriend is for you to snog instead of being someone you can relate to.

And I just realized that MOST of the girls in NUSHS are too conservative. It's hard to get fresh with them. *Says it cautiously... >.< Maybe I should give them and myself a second chance, who knows, I might really find one.

Or maybe I should just get someone out of this world. Someone not in this bloody school. How does love even start? I'm so puzzled... Does love always work out in the end? It's just a past-time for some people!

I don't feel loved, AT ALL. Not even by a single soul in this bloody damn world. No one has cared for me, consoled me and even show a single concern for me. I THANK YOU, you guys out there. You made me realized how pointless is in everything that I do.

I'm still misled by the darkness, waiting for someone to be the light and free me from the loneliness -- the one thing that is undefeatable. Gaara is so lucky, I'm not. I only share 1 thing in common with Naruto and Gaara, go figure.

Just stop wasting my time, stop shedding crocodile tears, isn't there a single true being out there?

「 dancing away 6:36 PM 」

Zzz...... yesterday when i reached the Esplanade, evreything was so troublesome, such a hassle. Even before I could reach the outskirts of the Esplanade, I had to show a pass. Then when I tried to look for Kit Chong at the stage door, (I told him to meet me there as we would then go find the loading bay which we don't know where the Hell was that and that was the only possible entrance on that day) the police told me to enter through the main entrance.

Met one of the wardrobe personnel, Cheryl, thanks to her we managed to find the loading bay! Before we could enter the loading bay, we had to show the Actor's Pass and the IMF Pass. Then we had to put our bags through a scan and our other belongings too. Next we had to walk through a metal-detecting gate. Then we had to scan our pass. Such a hassle and we were finally into the Esplanade Theatre.

Belinda made my make-up andd got rid of my cute panda eyes. -_-'' When it was my scene, I came out to fly my "beautiful" kite and guess what?! There were so few audience I couldn't be bothered to do it properly. I didn't laugh and had no more mood to do the Union-Jack part. Can't believe it man...... The IMF people are watching it for free, it's only Act I, and they are allowed to walk in and out during the performance. Is that what you mean by appreciating art? Sigh, if they can walk in and out means that they are not showing us respect. And they are not watching the whole show and don't even know the whole story, yet we were given standing ovations during Curtain Call for something that they did not understand.

And when a scene ends, normally the audience would give applause. However, these bankers don't know a single thing, well either they are retarded or what...... Parts where audience normally laughs, they shut up. Zzz......

Anyway the best part was that I got to go to the reception, I think, at the Esplanade. However we had to go through the same security checks again...... Zzz...... But there was FREE food! Call me cheap I don't care. But the food was really nice. I ate some chicken, Ya Kun Kaya toast, some sweet and sour thingy, popiah, dumpling, Katong Laksa and many more. Too bad Kit Chong, you went home early, there was so much FUN!!! At 10pm there was a massive display of fireworks!!! Too bad you didn't get to see it first-hand. Later went to get 2 cups of Green Tea and Melissa thought I was drinking beer??? I would love to.

Walked to the MRT with the people from the Wardrobe and we talked a lot. Oh and by the way, Luke IS Melissa's boyfriend. DON'T get confused that Luke (may) likes Melissa, but it's Melissa LOVES Luke. You will know why, soon enough.

「 dancing away 11:04 PM 」

Zzz... Friday got Math Exam, next Thursday got Math Test. Got Chinese Comprehension to do, the worst thing of all.

Playing Pirate King these days. Closed Beta game, so trying it out.

I'm really tired after all these days of running up and down. But YEA!!! Today Joel's coming so I can get to play with his Nintendo DS AGAIN (X2) !!!

Work Work Work and more Work, when will these end???

「 dancing away 3:42 AM 」

And yet again, I have neglected my blog due to the business of my rehearsals. They gave me a role, YEAH, finally. Though it's not honourable & may be embarrassing to say so, but I'm a kite flyer. *BIG DOTS, yea I know. -_-''

Well, at least I get to act even if it's just for a minute, in this large scale production. How should I say it? I'm glorified?! Zzz... aiya, anyway I still get paid lah... Big role, small role, they are all still roles lah, just play them properly, maybe I can get a television contract!!! That's what I have always wanted, but well, I don't expect much from this cause my role so small, like people will even be able to notice me... Well, at least I'm in the envy of people because I'm in it??? *BIG EGO FLASHING

Hahaz, right now in the Esplanade's Green Room typing. Got free internet, so why not use it, I have been watching videos a lot here. Lolz, I'm almost to the extent of misusing it. I can't say how irritating the IMF has been, now security has become tighter, the police patrol CityLink. The sight of them makes me feel as if like there IS something going to happen. Ahhh, who cares, anyway I still have the 19 performances, just a smaller role.

Well, I'm hoping and praying for good news in whatever way it may be and come... XD
And tell me why the Internet says that my blog page can't be displayed when I published this post.

「 dancing away 6:57 AM 」

I'm in a very bad mood now. So don't anger me, or I will kill you, literally.

I just got fired. Not because I suck. But because I'm too tall. I'm around the same height as the adult Kuang Hsu, the emperor. Is it my fault that I'm so f***ing tall?

The Director and Producer said that they would honour the contract and pay me the $500. But I don't give a damn about the money! What I want is the experience in front of a large group of people. What I want is the acting, the mixing around with the other actors! What I want to is just to star in the accursed show!

And now it's smashed. My 19 performances are gone. Can't that actor who's playing Kuang Hsu just grow taller? All my enthusiasm is gone. All the time I have wasted, memorizing the script, devising the actions, rushing up and down after school. And just because of these rehearsals, I was robbed of my sleep, I am so tired, FOR WHAT MAY I ASK? TO ASK THAT I GET FIRED BECAUSE I'M TOO TALL? IT'S HIS FAULT FOR BEING SHORT SO WHAT THE HECK?!

Doesn't matter. I won't forget the experience. They had better call us back for other shows, or I'm gonna get really pissed.

「 dancing away 4:17 AM 」

Yesterday was caught playing VisualBoyAdvance while waiting for my music to be sent. Stupid lah, the computers were from last year, and they did not delete the stuff in the Recycle Bin. Computer Lab Technicians, YOU were the people who caused my curiosity and caused my downfall. But who cares, this is the last week of the term...

Came back from rehearsals. Tomorrow got Biology exam. Everyone good luck!!!

Exchanged e-mails with everyone else. I'm finally sociable??? Watched the sex part in the muscial, damn sick sia... Look for me if you want me tell you everything... Hahaz

Ok lah, gotta study now. Please come and support me!!!

After exams, I free I will for sure come and blog. Hahaz, must come and read hor...

「 dancing away 3:45 AM 」

My blog is dead and I find absolutely no reason why I'm still blogging. So anyway, since I'm still at it, let me continue my story and lend me your pathetic ears.

Basketball on Wednesday was fun. Cause 1st time I scored in a few hoops. Then before we left, I shot in 2 consecutive penalty shots in 1 try, while many other people like LiYoung took much more. All I can say is I'm lucky. It feels good to be lucky.

I managed to hand in The Arena application form on time, despite me missing the Wednesday deadline. Friday was absolute latest, damn lucky again sia...

Friday I received a Nike wristband from a rude year 1 who threw it at me and then said he didn't want it anymore. I take it lah, of course. Wearing it now... Black leh, Nike leh, FREE LEH!

From now onwards, my blog shall be my 1st priority before my games. I feel that I'm mistreating my blog.

I feel that the demon within me is about to unleash soon, man, I have been waiting for this for 14 years. Can't it just reveal itself and start going on a killing spree. I am going mad this feel days, getting into fits for whatsoever reasons. I keep demanding for sharp objects to stab people with or to kill myself with. I feel that I have no reason to live because nobody gives a shit about me.

Rehearsals was OK, can't wait for my performance schedule. Want to perform for Mr. Tan, but I just gotta depend on Lady Luck once more. How many times do I have to engage her help? Never mind, the more the merrier, I just LOVE the lucky streaks that I have been having.